".....And teach me Thy paths" (Psalm 24:4 Douay-Rheims Bible)
I have started going to Adoration weekly since the beginning of the school year. I have finally reached the point where I can leave kids home with the oldest and not have to worry (yay!) Anyway, not to make any of you young moms jealous, you'll get there soon enough, but it has been an amazing and revealing time. I often just go in and talk to God about my multitude of problems and ask Him for guidance. To my amazement (I guess I shouldn't be amazed), I have gotten so many questions answered and I come home excited telling the kids how God talked to me. Today, I went with a laundry list of complaints and "problems" to fix and once again I left with renewed optimism and perspective. I'll be honest, my week hasn't been the best, from kid puke, to the weather and self inflicted anxiety, I've been a wreck. I haven't been able to get all my things taken care of and I started feeling like a failure, I kept trying to tell myself that God was still working and He was taking care of it, but, like I told Him during our little chat, I wanted to follow through with my work and not fall into laziness. I want to have a balance where I can trust God in the hard times but also do the work that He has given me the power to do. I know that I am created for work and I don't want to take that for granted. Anyway, I always bring a notebook with me to Adoration because I find that I am moved by the Holy Spirit to take notes or write out what I feel in my heart, which in the quiet of the chapel the words are easier to hear from God and boy, do I have pages of gems. Just yesterday, I heard Bishop Barron answer the question about why God allows natural disasters to happen and Bishop Barron said, to paraphrase, that it was to redirect those who are affected hopefully back to God. Then it hit me, right there in the chapel (and I scribble frantically in my notebook), that's what my bad days are all about! God is using those times of trial to redirect me back to Him, to hit me over the head and say "Hey you can't do this without Me, don't even try." I, also, attended a small retreat last weekend and the speaker said something that stuck with me: We Know what to do, we just don't DO it. What?! Yeah, I know! It doesn't take much to blow my mind.....duh! I know what I need to do to create a good day for me, but I get cocky and don't make the time to really do the work, even though I know that I'll be happy and it's not that hard, I just figure that I know what to do and I don't need to work so hard anymore because I'm set. WRONG!!!! Life is a work in progress, once you think you have it down, something else pops up and you need to constantly be moving forward. Unlike most people, I like the challenge and I enjoy the work, it's just remembering that I am not in charge and once again letting go (white knuckles, clenched teeth and all). So, some things that came to me to alleviate the bad days is to drop everything and go to the library, head to Mass, say the Divine Mercy chaplet, read the Bible, listen to uplifting music, do a workout, have some fun with the kids, sit down and watch a movie without being distracted, take on a cleaning project, all these things will make me feel like I've done something towards the work that God has in store for me, whether it is to be a better child of God, a better mother, wife or teacher, it all will help. I'm excited to put these into practice! What a blessing that we can go to Our Father and have him kiss the boo boo and make it go away.
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